And we're back. Without my lovely co-host, but at the very least I'M back. :/

A simple reason has kept me from updating this at all. Carcypher appears to have left OKcupid and the Success-Failure forum appears to have stuck itself into a rut of endless "y i get no mesage" posts.

On occasions though strange things do happen, like this guy "Thatswankybrian" asking OKcupid for poker advice.

Seriously. I haven't seen a face card in a good 20 minutes. Let's not even talk pocket pairs or suited connectors... maybe an ace? Please? Poker, why do you hate me so tonight?

Seriously, even Yahoo Answers would have been a better place to post this, I think. Jesus. It's really only funny because of the amazing post that followed.

yoou meanan you fauiled at poke-her lol

I think that speaks for itself.

In the previous post, one of my favorite lines was left out, so an addition to our lovely guest's other ramblings about her enormous milkshake bringing all the boys to the yard...

"Physical fitness is extremely important to me, so if you have a gut, GET LOST."

Please allow me to remind you to look at this woman's profile either before or after you begin laughing your ass off.

Also she says she hates cats, dogs and children. Does she like ANYTHING except sex from tall buff submissive white guys?

Is none other than 2hot2trawt, while she does have a much better grasp of the basics of the english language, that doesn't excuse her from the pure BS that spills out of her fingers and into the internt world. Because all know self-proclaimed e-hotties get everything they want...

So I am pretty picky about who I meet up with on this site. I have high standards that many internet dorks don't even begin to meet. Well, I found this one man on here who was actually a real man. Not some fat gamer freak with no life, but an athletic, handsome man. I wrote to him, and he wrote back and asked me out. I was so ecstatic at the prospect of meeting someone who was actually cool. Little did I know I was just setting myself up for disappointment.

So we meet up at a public spot in town and I think we are going to go out to eat at an extravagant restaurant, followed by a night of dancing. I even bought a cute outfit for the occasion. Well this is when the first disappointment came, when he said he had to go home and feed his dog. WTF??? So I agree, because at this point I am pretty much stuck. As we walk to his home, I get a better look at him and notice that he's not all that great. He clearly hasn't shaved in 3 or 4 days, and his faded shirt looks years old. I wish people would just be honest about their looks.

We get to his house, and his mangey mutt is jumping all over the God-awful place. I mean, I've been in shitty homes, but this cluttered tiny one takes the cake. When he suggests staying in and wathcing a movie, I almost lose it. What the hell kind of cheap ass is he???? Watch a movie at his place? I wanted to leave right then and there, but I had to come up with a revenge scheme first. I start to put the moves on him, and hint towards getting busy. I felt him getting hard, and I told him I would be right back after I smoke a cig to finish him off good. I go outside to 'smoke', but really I just head home. Served him right for being cheap and scruffy looking.
Now, I'm not into chicks...but she isn't exactly what you'd consider attractive by any means. Let's just say her personality matches her looks. You can take a look at her profile for yourself. There you will find this treasure of a statement...
I love to shop. I am very high maintenance. I get my nails done and buy designer clothes. I go to the hairdresser at least twice a month, but usually more. I've found guys to like these qualities of mine. I've never had any complaints so guys who say they like low maintenance girls are LIARS. Yeah, they want a girl with dirt under her fingernails and shopping at Caldoors? LAWLZ!

I have a preferance for older guys, but only 5-8 years older. I'll only consider you if you fall under this age range. Also, I like a man to be tall. At least 6 ft or higher, as I am 5'8, I need someone taller when I am in heels. Also I prefer the dark/tan look to the pasty white/blonde haired look. However, I don't mean dark as in a different race, I am only looking to date other white guys. I am not racist, it's just what my dating preferences are. You see, I want a man with a steady job yet I also want a man who can ::satify:: me during, you know. That pretty much rules out every race but white guys.
What?! It's like saying, "I'm not racist...but...I'm racist." Lol.

And then after several posts of people pretty much owning her ass, she replies with...
OKay, looking at those who've commented my thread, you have no right to judge. Maybe to some of you, he wouldn't seem so bad, but that's because I have standards. And I may not be 5'10 and 100 lbs, but believe me, I look a hell of a lot better than 98% of you. And yes, I am very physically fit. I have a membership to one of the best gyms in the county. And if someone shopped at caldoors, it means their clothes are old as fuck because caldoors did shut down years ago. You people are jelous, and pathetic.
So it's not okay for people to judge her, but it's perfectly fine for her to judge a man based on how long it's been since his last shave or the age of his t-shirt? Rofl, dude! And what use is a membership to "one of the best gyms in the county" if it's never been used? I'm going to assume she mean country, but county makes it all the more lulz.

All in all, while there has been speculation on the possibility of this being a fake account, I really hope it's real because it makes it all the funnier.

Whilst browsing the forums for the lulz, I ran across this gem of a comment by none other than Mr. Grammar himself,

nah i choose to be a nice gentleman and have respect and i come across girls who stay tha same as well and not choose to be some evil moronic slut of some evil rude bitch witch from hell
Lol. Seriously? Well, I just happen to have a few fine examples of his gentlemanly qualities. This first set of statements are in reply to a reasonable opening post in which a girl makes a few comments about she's having a hard time on OKC. This thread isn't about him or anyone in particular.
and yet another girl is crying out for guy? lol this just keeps goin and goin eh?
She calls him a troll, and he replies with...
uh oh is someone getting mad? or just trying to get by her ways how dare you call me a troll you stupid lil witch =D
She tries to get back on the topic at hand, but...
im not a troll im saying my honest opinion and just not actually buying into this classic fairy tale of heart broke hotel i am sorry you been hurt but your not tha only one who been through this
If this is the kind of respect he has for women, I can't imagine what his disrespect would look like.

Next we have a thread entitled, "Sick of guys saying they want a nice girl" which, of course, is a parody of his novel of a thread. In the opening post, the creator of the thread makes an awesome rebuttal to his argument and this is how he reacts to it...
ahahahahhahaahahaa nice try but then again this thread will be jokes

and who said i told you , you are bitch? ahahhaha your just backfired your own thread im a dude who prefers a nice girl anyday why would i want to be with a rude bad rude obnoxious little trick? aahahahahaa oh please tell me more OP
More jewels...bring out the barf bag.
i want a nice girl but she has to be a evil girl in bed lol raaawr i mean yea nice loving girls with a romantic attitude but she is nasty and bad in bed
guys this thread is a joke thread its a parody thread of my mine she doesnt mean wat she says here though i think he is trying to get back at wat i said

And the final note...
last man there' already a thread about this which i created ths is why this thread was created to make fun of my thread lmao
Isn't he such a catch, ladies? I can't imagine why he's having such a hard time finding a girl who is interested.

Recently there was a thread posted onto the Success-Failure forums called "Nice guys finish last". Naturally the entire thread was pretty much 90% filled with 'funny and original' people making premature ejaculation jokes.

Apparently missing the whole point of the thread (fodder for original premature ejaculation jokes), our old pal carcypher butted in with his amazing and well worded advice.

"they finish last but it turns out to be tha best to fall in love is a beautiful adventure for a nice girl and nice guy and they have a love relationship lasting untill they truly part their way"

I lol'd.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...the post entitled, "Sick of girls saying they want a nice guy."


P.S. These quotes have not been edited in any shape or form. It really was written exactly as shown. I'm sorry.
you girls or women say you want a nice guy a decent loving guy but when they show up you ignore and spit right into their face so really GTFO and just admit you want an asshole yes as you can see im truly pist off now by girls saying such lies you tell us guys we lie so much were all players and your innocent? BS your worse than us guys so to all tha guys on here just be yourself and dont even give into these girls if they tell you , your a nice guy dont even reply to it anymore make them beg for you instead i dont care about girls calling me a nice guy anymore i think they foolish to even know wat they want, only some certain girls are for real and will tell wat they truly want so this is targeted to all you foolish girls on this site even thinkin you deserve love, you dont deserve it till your show it yourself and you can take dat to tha bank! -.-

This is undoubtedly the greatest blog in the world, a chronicle of a man that my co-author and I call "Mr. Grammar."

On OKCupid, his name is carcypher. All the man wants is a nice girl.

All we want is a few Hooked On Phonics lessons for the man. PREPARE FOR LIFTOFF!!!

- UZ